Coming out

This essay has a total of 1419 words and 5 pages.

coming out

Coming out of "My Heterophobia" Closet

Growing up in a heterosexual world as a Lesbian who remained in many closets, has shape my
identity and the way I will transact with people for the rest of my life. Upon coming out
of closet, or being pushed out (by suspension from parents and friends) at the age of
eighteen or nineteen I quickly assumed the bi-sexual title because it meant at least there
was hope for me in the future. This proved to be worse for my self-esteem, and may have
caused the most damage because even though I was free to come out, I was still afraid
(somewhat) of taking the big leap and being totally ostracized by my friends and people I
know. So I felt one million times worst trying to be bi-sexual than I ever did being
heterosexual, I knew I was betraying myself before, but now it felt like the ultimate
betrayal. During the next year or so I finally got the courage to come out as a full blown
Lesbian, and life has never been better.

I wanted to shave my head and start over fresh as a new person who has this fresh new
identity because I wanted nothing to do with the heterosexual and bi-sexual life I had
lived in the past; I was on a mission to prove I could be as gay as anyone else. That
meant forsaking all straight clubs and hanging out with the straight friends that I had,
cutting my hair and actively searching out other lesbians. I went to gay clubs and events
and made new friends with total lesbians; I was ashamed of my straight background and even
claimed to have been out of the closet for many years when in fact I had not been, I
didn't want to be a new be. I wanted to show my friends that if they couldn't deal with me
as a true lesbian, none changing, then I didn't want them around me. I took this class
because I wanted to know more about our history and try to put a face to gayness for
others, an African American face, an educated face, a female face, but most of all a human
face.

When I found out that ninety five percent of the class is straight and homophobic for the
most part, I was thrilled yet sadden (because I now had the opportunity to look them in
the eye and have them call me all the names I would have been called had I possessed the
courage to come out sooner) but mostly thrilled because it felt great being around more
gay people, even if only five more.

When we were placed in groups (honestly) I was dismayed, because I would have chosen the
other gay people in class since I have for the most part severed ties with standardized
"normalcy". Since they were all girls it made the transition easier I must say, but I knew
they would not want to do anything with substance because I feel they don't take us
serious. I offered to take them to gay theatre and plays, to Orlando's Gay Days, to
Parades and to any Gay event that would allow them to see us as productive members of
society. They instead wanting to go to a Club, obviously I know where they are and didn't
hesitate in going, but I wish we had done other things, so to make it up to myself for
betraying my feelings I got involved in other group activities:

Continues for 3 more pages >>