Men and grieving Essay

This essay has a total of 959 words and 5 pages.


men and grieving





Men and Grieving


Men don’t grieve, or do they? Men who grieve are something that is rarely seen in
today’s society. This past year my grandfather, Lynn Osborne, passed away and I
suffered a great loss. This man was my grandfather, my father, and my true best friend.
Throughout my life, he taught me many things and without him I thought I could not go on
living. In my eyes, there was no point in being here. I would rather it have been me so
that way I could still see him.

This was a very difficult time for me and it still is, but I am not alone. Many men have
the same problem dealing with the loss of a loved one, but we have a strange way of
showing it. We have a certain finitude when it comes to showing our emotions. Men do
grieve, but in a different way than women. They just “bottle-up” their
feelings and do not express their pain.

As young boys, they were told, “big boys don’t cry.” That is what they
live by, never showing emotion. When the time comes for men to show their emotions, they
either do not know how or let it build up inside us. This leads to alcoholism, other
addictions, and early death. When a loved one dies that is close to a certain man, he
begins to act strange; doing things out of the norm. Although different men respond in
different ways, they all have the same symptoms. For example, “I suffered, I
grieved, I broke down, and I cooked fabulous meals for those who came to comfort me”
(Anderson 203). This shows that he suffered and grieved but did not show it in the common
way. He expresses his pain through cooking for the ones that came to mourn with him.
Another example, “There is one place her absence come locally home to me, and it is
a place I can’t avoid. I mean my own body…Now its like an empty house…I
know the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get” (Lewis 23). This shows
a man’s love for his wife, but he doesn’t share with his buddies, he writes
his loss in a book, this is how he expresses his loss. These are two ways two different
men cope with death.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Patton 113). Men
are expected to be the stronger one in a time of grieving. Women are more vulnerable in
times of death, but men try not to be. Men try not to be vulnerable because they fell it
lessens their masculinity. Men feel that showing their feelings is a sign of weakness,
therefore the try to act more “manly” by not shedding tears. Men do not want
to look like “less of a man” or feel “inferior,” so they cover up
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