Relationship Analysis1 Essay

This essay has a total of 1885 words and 8 pages.

Relationship Analysis1

“Intimacy, a unique bond created by two people through some combination of highly
interdependent actions, individualized rules, and personal disclosures, and viewed by both
parties as relatively affectionate, intrinsically rewarding, and irreplaceable” (Trenholm
Jensen 293). This definition would definitely describe the relationship I have with my
current boyfriend, Lance Robert LeMarie. I would describe our relationship as a private,
close, and personal relationship. We share just about everything that goes on in our
lives and can read each other like a book. We are so close; that rarely do we tell each
other what we are feeling before the other already knows. We can tell each other’s state
of mind and mood by the kinds of nonverbal codes we are sending out. He always notices
when I am nervous or anxious because I bite on my bottom lip, and I can tell when he is
aggravated because he rolls his eyes like a little girl. In this paper, I will give a
brief analysis this relationship and the stages that we have and are currently going
through. As a guideline, I will use Knapp’s stages for an intimate relationship, and the
concepts of verbal and nonverbal competence as stated in chapter’s three and four of our

There are countless reasons why people are attracted to each other and form some
relationship. Some of these reasons are personality, physical looks, intellectual
stimulation, common interest, and differences. Lance and I developed our relationship at
a young age. We first caught each other’s eye in the school office, our freshmen year of
high school.

According to Knapp’s theory the development of relationships and stages of intimacy, have
some very definitive and distinctive steps. The first step is initiating in which both
parties follow scripts, there is a high amount of self-monitoring, and we are making
judgments. This stage consists of making contact with the other person and showing that
you are the kind of person worth talking to. Our relationship was initiated as soon as we
held our first conversation, and facilitated by the fact that we sat next to each other in
most of our classes. The first time we met was our first day of school at Catholic High
School; we were both new students that had transferred from other schools. Physical
appearance plays a major role in this step; I remember thinking that he had the most
gorgeous facial features and adorable dimples. From the start, I could tell that he had
an outgoing personality by the way he talked back to any authority figure without blinking
an eye. Sure, it sounds bad, but at that age, we thought it was cute and funny.

The next step is experimenting, this is when you reduce uncertainty and identify with the
others similarities. Though we were both physically attracted to each other from the
moment we met, our relationship began as just friends. I was dating one of his best
friends. Since we were not dating each other we were not trying to impress one another,
we were just being ourselves. We would talk on the phone for hours at a time about
anything and everything that crossed our teenage minds. In this stage, we formed a bond
and a trust for each other that we now know is irreplaceable.

During this time, his friend and I decided to see other people. Therefore, Lance and I
decided to give our feeling a chance. Since our relationship went through the first
steps, we just skipped them in the romantic since and jumped right into intensifying.

Intensifying is when the expressions of feelings become more common. In the beginning of
this phase, we were faced with many “tests.” The most intense was the “endurance test,
when the costs associated with the relationship are increased to see if the other is
willing to remain”(310). He had to decide if our relationship was worth losing a best
friend. After many months of crying, fighting, and thinking, we finally decided to follow
our hearts and go for it.

I would describe what I was going through as a giant whirlpool of emotions. I was so
confused about everything, life, relationships, friendships, and family. We broke up and
got back together numerous times, and fought about stupid things that before would have
never caused a problem. At times, I noticed that we did not know what to say to the other
as if we were strangers meeting for the first time. This stage of our relationship was
difficult but feasible. Mostly because as a teenager it is hard to ignore what other,
people are saying and thinking about you and your actions. After a long discussion one
school night, we both decided that if our relationship was going to work we needed to
ignore rumors and other peoples’ opinion. We needed to do what made us happy. This
brought us right into integrating.

Integrating, ”partners in romantic couples begin to organize their everyday lives around
each other, interdependence becomes more visible to others”(312). We still had the
occasional healthy fights, but now we were viewed and known to others as a couple. We
were developing a “love/intimate relationship, hand-in-hand and arm-in-arm contact, more
bodies leaning against one another, and more touching in general”(71). Often times I
would go places without him and people would ask, where he was and why he was not with me.
We spent most of our free time doing things together, like going to see a movie or
playing Nintendo at my house.

In just about every school there is a couple that everyone thinks is so cute and perfect,
well we were that ideal couple. The couple that everyone thinks will go to college
together and have this perfect life. We very voted the most popular couple at our senior
prom. I guess our classmates did not realize all the problems we had and were about to

Although we had some rough patches in our relationship before, we were definitely not
ready for what was about to happen. But then again I do not think that any relationship
is ready for this. In February of 2000, Lance was arrested in Houston, Texas for
possession of a controlled substance. He was in the car with his “friends” when they got
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