The Difficulty Essay

This essay has a total of 1396 words and 7 pages.

The Difficulty


Two more weeks, that's all I have to wait now. Results are coming back, and on the same
day will be mine and Ian’s one-year anniversary. I love him so much. We’re both going to
college, so we’ll be close next year.


Since me therapy he’s the only lad I’ve been with. We’ve been friends since year three. I
remember the day we met; he was standing by the swings waiting for someone to let him have
a go- he looked like a lost puppy. In the end I let him have my place, since then we’ve
been inseparable.


We’ve only been intimate once, but I didn’t lose my virginity to him. My innocence was
stolen from me at the age of eight by the only man I trusted. My father. But I don’t have
to worry about him now, he can’t hurt me anymore. Ian was the one who got me to tell the
police, after I told him what had happened to me he convinced me to tell the authorities.
It was so hard to pluck up the courage to take the first step. When I told the officer, he
didn’t believe me at first. But when he sent me to another one, this one was a lady and
she did believe me. She took down a statement from me, which I had to sign. I’d never
signed anything in my life. I was so scared. But Ian was by my side and he helped me
through.


I was twelve when I had to stand up and testify against my dad. Do you know what that’s
like? To stare into both your parents’ eyes and see how much they hate you. To see your
picture in the newspaper with your story attached to it. People talking when you pass them
in the street. No, you wouldn’t know what that’s like. Not unless you’ve been there
yourself.


After the trial my mother was never the same with me. She always seemed distant; sometimes
it felt like she didn’t love me. I was too young to deal with this, I suppose I had to
grow up too soon. I built barriers so no one could get close to me. Except Ian. He was
always by my side, and always will be.


For two years I had to go to therapy, at the time I thought it was pointless, but now I
see it helped a lot. I was able to tear those barriers down and let people in. When I
first started dating Ian it felt strange because we’d been friends for so long, but it
also felt right. I knew it was going to last, right from the start.


Only two days left. The plan was to pick up our exam results from our local civic centre
and at night we’re going to go out for a romantic meal. In the future, I want to marry
Ian. It would be like a fairytale life.


Oh lord, I’m so nervous. Today is the day. All those weeks of waiting and worrying will be
finally over with just one rip of an envelope. My nails will have a chance to grow back.
On the way there Ian seemed distant, probably through nerves. All of our friend would be
going through this too, but everyone was too worried to worry about others.


When we finally got there we saw groups of people opening their results in union. Most of
the faces were happy, but a small minority of people were crying and shouting. For some
reason I fixated on those people more than the smiling ones. Ian and I went over to the
desk and collected our results. On the count of three we opened them. One. Two. Three. We
both ripped open the envelopes in our hands and I suddenly felt queasy. I went into a
sudden state of panic. I looked at, and looked at it for what seemed like an hour. My
brain wasn’t functioning on the higher levels.


Those few minutes turned into a lifetime. I knew I wasn’t expecting brilliant grades, but
grades this bad... never in a million years. My whole life slipped away in that instant.
With these grades I couldn’t go to college, my future seemed non-existent.
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